Wedding vs Marriage

"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”  -Timothy Keller The Meaning of Marriage

As I walked repeating in my head "Just keep smiling... walk slowly ... oh they are here!" I saw his face.  A face with a handsome smile, cute beard and full of love. Holding tightly to my Dad so I didn't trip, my walk down the aisle was a moment I will never forget. In those moments approaching the man I would spend the rest of my life with, I was overwhelmed with joy that our wedding day was finally here! The beginning to our new adventure and life together.

Engagement seems to be a very hard and stressful time for many couples. Overwhelmed with the amount of work that neede to get donr for the wedding. Dreading the final bill, and still trying to live a normal life with work, school, friends and family with the time they have left. My husband and I personally loved being engaged because we approached it in a very different way.

How we made our engagement a wonderful time:
We were only engaged for 4 months which was such a blessing. We had heard it can be harf to be engaged for a long time and we were so excited to be marries, but didn't want to rush too much. We made a few rules for ourselves during this time that made all the difference.
#1 We thought and talked about marriage more than the wedding. We had realized that our marriage was going to be the most important relationship, after God, that would affect the rest of our lives. Many girls dream of their wedding day their whole lives, some girls don't, but most carry around a dream and expectation that their wedding day is the peak of life, highlight of life with their future husband. But forgetting they will have to spend the rest of their lives still living with their one. Its only a day, a wonderful day, but only one day of the rest of our lives.
#2 We read, talked and studied marriage. We commited to becoming as knowledgeable about marriage as we could. We wanted to know what to expect,  what others went through, had as many discussions about every area of life and what we thought and expected, we asked questions, read blogs, read books, listened to sermons ect. We also had a mentor couple that we were able to be open and honest with that walked through what marriage really was. A few of the books that we the most influential for us were: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, and Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds by Douglas Rosenau. Before we got married we felt ready. Ready to face trials and come out stronger, ready to be annoyed and learn to be selfless, ready to embrace daily life and learn to enjoy every day. Though we are not perfect this helped us immensely to be ready and now get to enjoy this great gift instead of not knowing what to expect.

If you're not married..
When you hear the exciting news that a friend, acquaintance or family member is getting married ask them about not just the ring, dress and wedding details. Try to focus on the real stuff like them preparing to be a wife or husband, their hopes and fears. Help them to be ready for more than just a wedding day but a life long relationship with their one and only.

If you're getting married...
Talk to your fiancé and see what you two can and need to do to make your engagment and time of growth, excitment and joyful anticipation to avoid stress, arguments and forgetting about your regular life.

If you're married...
My favorite thing to do still is read blogs and books! Currently I'm reading Extraordinary Marriage by Justin and Trisha Davy. It's incredible what happens when we continue to pursue our marriage. We ask what we are doing well and how we can improve. We continue to learn how to better talk to, serve and treat one another. Lastly, pray for each other and with each other! God is the one who can lead us and teach us how to be a spouse that glorifies Him, since He creates marriage. Don't lean on your own will and strength, allow Him to work through you.

This weekend we are going away on a marriage retreat! Pursuing our marriage with 50 other couples! So excited.

{Photography by Phil and Chelsea Hansen}